Trauma can be a heavy weight, especially when it affects intimacy and relationships. Many people who have gone through a traumatic experience, like abuse or assault, find that it changes how they feel about sex. This can lead to feelings of fear, numbness, or even shame when it comes to being intimate. However, with time, support, and self-care, it’s possible to heal and learn to enjoy sex again. This journey is deeply personal, but here are some simple steps and ideas that may help.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
Healing starts by recognizing your feelings without judgment. It’s okay to feel whatever comes up—anger, fear, sadness, or confusion. Trauma can create complex emotions, and they’re all valid. Sometimes, just allowing yourself to feel without trying to fix it can be the first step toward healing.
2. Focus on Your Body and Comfort
Trauma can make you feel disconnected from your body. Practicing mindfulness, like focusing on your breathing, or simply noticing how your body feels in a calm, quiet moment can help reconnect you. This doesn’t need to involve any sexual touch at first. Gentle activities, like yoga or warm baths, can remind you that your body is yours, and it’s safe.
3. Set Boundaries for Yourself
Boundaries are essential to rebuilding trust with yourself and others. Think about what feels safe for you right now and take time to set clear boundaries. You might feel comfortable with certain touches but not others. Let yourself be honest about these feelings. Being in control of your boundaries can help rebuild your sense of safety.
4. Go Slowly – You Set the Pace
Healing from trauma isn’t a race, and neither is rediscovering intimacy. Go as slowly as you need, whether that’s exploring your comfort with touch or talking with a partner about your needs. Don’t feel pressured to do anything that doesn’t feel right. Small steps are still progress.
5. Communicate with a Partner (if You Have One)
If you’re in a relationship, open communication is key. Share as much as you’re comfortable sharing with your partner. You don’t need to give details about your trauma, but talking about what helps or what makes you uncomfortable can guide them on how to support you best. A loving and understanding partner will be patient and respectful.
6. Consider Working with a Therapist
A therapist who specializes in trauma can be very helpful. Therapy gives you a safe place to talk openly, understand your feelings, and develop coping strategies. Trauma-informed therapy often involves practices to help you feel grounded, safe, and in control, all of which are essential for healing.
7. Rediscover Pleasure Gradually
Start with non-sexual forms of pleasure, like a favorite hobby, music, or sensory activities like cooking or being outdoors. When you feel ready, exploring self-touch (in a way that feels safe) can help rebuild a positive connection with your body. This process is about taking small steps to experience pleasure and comfort without any pressure.
8. Be Kind to Yourself
Healing from trauma is a long journey, and it’s okay if it’s not a straight path. Some days will be harder than others, and that’s normal. Be kind and patient with yourself, and celebrate the small wins, like any positive moments of comfort or joy you experience.
9. Remember, You’re Not Alone
Many people have gone through similar experiences and have found their way to a place where they can enjoy intimacy again. Support groups, online communities, or even close friends can remind you that you’re not alone and that there is a path forward.
In Summary
Rediscovering joy in sex after trauma is a journey that requires patience, compassion, and self-care. By reconnecting with your body, setting boundaries, communicating openly, and getting support, you can find a path that feels right for you. Healing is possible, and with time, intimacy and pleasure can become a part of your life again.