Does your partner call you out on stonewalling?
Are you perplexed because you deeply value your partner’s sentiments and would never purposefully hurt them?
Though sometimes you are unsure of what to do or say, you want to affirm their sentiments and listen to them. You might freeze and have deer-in-headlights-like symptoms.
Although it may sound harsh, stonewalling is simply described as “a refusal to communicate or cooperate.” It’s a frightening charge, especially since it’s mentioned frequently as one of the four main factors that predict divorce.
The definition of stonewalling is gravely flawed. It is not as coldly indifferent as it would first appear to be.
Break the Cycle
So you might have been referred to as a stonewaller if you have a tendency to freeze when faced with danger. You are acting like an opossum, not because you’re being deceptive, but because that’s how your body reacts to what it perceives to be a life-or-death circumstance.
- It is one of the four bad communication behaviours that, if not fixed, might cause separation.
- It is not an obstinate or purposeful behaviour. When the body tries to defend itself against perceived danger, it stonewalls. The heart rate of someone who is aggressively stonewalling is well over 100 BPM, their breathing is laboured, and they experience mental paralysis.
- Although stonewalling is damaging, it is fortunately predictable and preventable.
Here is a list of warning indicators that you can watch out for to determine whether you are starting to flood.
• The heart rate is starting to increase.
• Holding your breath or breathing erratically or lightly
• Not paying as much attention as you should
• Being disoriented and having difficulty speaking
.• Voice tone becomes angrier and louder
• Rather than being receptive to what is being stated, you feel defensive
• Muscle tenseness
• Reminiscing about being “a deer in headlights”Hands clenched
• Grinding of teeth
• Tightened facial muscles, particularly the jaw and/or brow
• Rounded shoulders
• Vomiting
• Feeling lightheaded
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