Overcoming Orgasm Barriers After Child Birth

Performance anxiety is not exclusive to men; many women also experience it, often stemming from psychological factors rather than physical ones. Picture this scenario: it’s like having that tickle in your nose but never being able to sneeze.

While most sexual encounters often revolve around a man’s orgasm (if a man is involved), many women find it challenging to reach orgasm. A study by Dr. Robert W. Birch, as published in Pathways to Pleasure, indicates that 10 to 15 percent of American women have never experienced an orgasm.

This is a truth I’ve encountered in my practice, with numerous women seeking help for this issue. It’s disheartening to observe how the medical industry prioritizes a man’s inability to achieve an erection as an emergency, while female sexual satisfaction rarely receives the same urgency.

When Viagra emerged, there was a temporary surge of interest in finding a female equivalent to enhance sexual desire. However, this quest largely proved fruitless because it failed to address the core issue.

Viagra and similar medications do not enhance sexual pleasure or libido; they primarily promote blood flow to the penis. The inability of women to reach orgasm is often far more complex than simply a lack of blood flow to the clitoris.

Here are 15 common barriers to orgasm for women:

1. Traumatic past sexual experiences
2. Guilt related to sex
3. Fear of pregnancy
4. Fear of failure
5. Fear of rejection
6. Insufficient stimulation
7. Low self-esteem
8. Inhibitions
9. Communication problems
10. Chronic fatigue
11. Resentment toward a partner
12. Illness or surgery
13. Medication or alcohol
14. Pelvic floor issues
15. Stress

Addressing any of the issues listed above can increase a woman’s desire by removing the psychological obstacles that hinder her.

Effective communication is paramount. If you’re not willing to share your fears or inhibitions with your partner, you’re essentially limiting yourself to sexual frustration or, at best, mediocre sexual experiences.

Out of the women who do achieve orgasm, only 17% report reaching climax during intercourse. This is largely because sexual penetration typically does not stimulate the clitoris, a crucial component of female arousal. One way for women to increase their chances of orgasm during intercourse is to simultaneously stimulate the clitoris through touch or with the help of toys.

It’s essential to understand that the clitoris boasts over 8,000 nerve endings, twice as many as the head of the penis. Even indirect touch with fingers or a vibrator can set the stage for “The Big O.” Many women tend to assume a passive role during sex and may find it uncomfortable to express their own desires vocally. It’s vital for both partners, male and female, to be mindful of this and actively work to make the woman comfortable enough to voice her sexual needs. Women, if you want to reach that orgasmic peak, don’t hesitate to communicate your desires. Chances are, your partner will welcome and be excited to fulfill your needs.

A good starting point is to consider positions where the woman is on top, granting her control over the movements and allowing for the discovery of suitable clitoral stimulation.

Body image issues can also significantly impact a woman’s ability to orgasm. Take the case of Janine, a 39-year-old mother of two. She hadn’t experienced an orgasm in seven years, post the birth of her first child. Her concerns were rooted in self-consciousness about her post-birth body, marked by stretch marks and weight gain. Her husband reassured her of her beauty, but her dancer’s self-image conflicted. When the suggestion of blindfolding her husband during sex came up, she was initially skeptical. However, it provided her the freedom to explore without the fear of judgment. Eventually, she brought up the idea with her husband, and he gladly attended their next therapy session with a bouquet of flowers.

Women tend to allow various factors unrelated to sex to impact their sexual experiences. For Janine, it was her body image that hindered her ability to orgasm.

Oxytocin plays a vital role in female pleasure. Activities like hand-holding, cuddling, eye gazing, synchronized breathing, and listening to music together build trust and release oxytocin. Shared responsibilities like nurturing a baby or preparing a meal can also release this love hormone. Massage and breast massage can boost oxytocin levels. Ayurvedic massage offers various benefits, including improved blood circulation and relaxation.

To release oxytocin on your own, simply think about someone you love and trust, be compassionate, engage in laughter, listen to soothing music, or pamper yourself with spa treatments.

Parenthood introduces a new set of challenges, including chemical changes in the brain, sexual obstacles, and barriers to romance. It’s essential for couples to understand and empathize with each other’s experiences during this transformative phase.

Pregnancy, for instance, triggers a surge of hormones, such as human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG), which can lead to mood swings, morning sickness, and other physical challenges. Once the baby arrives, breastfeeding releases oxytocin, strengthening the bond between mother and child. Partners may need to adapt to these changes and foster open communication.

Katherine Ellison, author of “The Mommy Brain,” highlights that motherhood can make women smarter by enhancing their senses and cognitive abilities. These advantages extend to work and social life.

Men also undergo hormonal changes during pregnancy and fatherhood, with increased stress hormones and shifts in brain chemistry. These changes may explain phenomena like sympathy weight gain and sympathy pregnancy. Prolactin levels increase in dads during the weeks leading up to birth, and cortisol doubles during pregnancy. Fathers can play a supportive role by empathizing with their partner’s experiences and fostering communication.

In the end, despite the differences between men and women, we all share common desires for love, respect, kindness, and personal growth. Understanding these differences allows us to focus on our shared goals and enhance romantic and sexual satisfaction.

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