Is it helpful to lower your expectations in order to avoid disappointment in your partner? According to Dr. Donald Baucom, a psychology professor at the University of North Carolina, the answer is no. After conducting a decade-long study on marital expectations, he found that people generally receive what they anticipate. Individuals with low expectations tend to be in relationships where they are treated poorly, while those with higher expectations tend to be in relationships where they are treated well.
Instead of settling for less, it is advisable to maintain high standards, albeit realistic ones. By doing so, you are more likely to cultivate the kind of relationship you desire, rather than turning a blind eye to issues and allowing them to slide.
The concept of a “good enough” relationship is encouraged. This does not imply accepting subpar treatment; on the contrary, it means setting expectations for kindness, love, affection, respect, and loyalty within the relationship. Conflict is recognized as a natural part of any relationship, including happily married couples. When handled in a healthy manner, conflicts can lead to better understanding and growth.
It is important to acknowledge that not all problems within a relationship can be solved. Research conducted in Love Labs indicates that nearly two-thirds of relationship conflicts are perpetual. Therefore, it is unrealistic to expect a relationship to heal deep-seated wounds or fulfill existential needs such as spiritual enlightenment or self-actualization. Instead, couples are advised to recalibrate their expectations for these aspects.
In the context of the Sound Relationship House theory, which is based on empirical evidence, a “good enough” relationship is characterized by certain qualities and behaviors. Partners in such relationships are good friends, respect each other’s dreams even if they differ, trust one another, and manage conflicts constructively. They strive for mutual understanding and are willing to make compromises that work for both parties. Additionally, they possess effective skills for repairing emotional harm when it occurs.
Ultimately, it is reasonable and achievable to expect a relationship that embodies these qualities. You deserve to be in a relationship that meets your expectations, and striving for such a partnership is both reasonable and attainable.
For more content, see www.findwhosabiblog.com and follow @findwhosabi_ on Instagram and Facebook