There is no perfect moment to have sex. There is no magical time frame that guarantees perfection or ensures that your partner will view you in the desired light.
Are you concerned about giving in too soon? The fixation on how soon or late to have sex often revolves around the fear of losing control or power dynamics.
Dating can be a power game, although it is inherently flawed. [Read: The harsh truth about losing your virginity that no one tells you]
Whether you agree with this perspective or not, if a woman engages in sex on the first date, her partner may assume they can have their way because she has relinquished her power.
How do you feel about that? Do you believe sex should be that complicated?
The truth is, nobody has actually relinquished anything. [Read: Sex in a new relationship – how to make the first time less awkward]
Undeniably, emotions tend to intensify when sex is involved, but if you possess the ability to separate physical and emotional aspects, and you want to go for it, why should you worry about power dynamics?
Let us explore some reasons why individuals may choose to wait longer before having sex:
- Religion: Many people wait to have sex due to their religious beliefs. While some may choose to wait until marriage, others wait longer to ensure they are genuinely in love. If this resonates with you, it is essential to honor your beliefs without feeling pressured to rush. Remain steadfast in your commitment to something as sacred as your faith.
- Desire to appear “proper”: Some individuals opt to wait before having sex to avoid being perceived as promiscuous. They strive to present themselves as more conservative and less inclined to engage in casual sexual encounters. However, it is important to be at peace with your decisions and disregard concerns about whether someone you barely know deems you promiscuous.
- Desire to avoid being labeled “easy”: Similar to the previous point, some individuals wait longer to have sex to dispel notions of being too easily attainable. They hope the other person will invest more effort before becoming intimate. There is nothing wrong with this approach. However, it is crucial to realize that engaging in sex does not automatically make you easy. If someone perceives you in that way, consider whether they are truly someone you want to be intimate with.
- Feeling too young or unready: Different people have varying perspectives on what age is appropriate for sexual activity. Some individuals may wait longer to ensure they feel more mature and ready. They may believe that waiting until a specific age will provide them with more certainty. Waiting until you feel fully ready is a valid reason to postpone sex.
- Lack of trust in the new partner: Trust is a significant factor for many people when deciding to have sex. When starting a new relationship, individuals may not fully trust their partner yet. If trust is lacking, they may postpone sex until they feel comfortable enough to determine the level of trust. After all, it is challenging to engage in sexual activity with someone you do not fully trust.
- Lingering feelings for a previous partner: It is normal for individuals to still have feelings for a previous partner, even when they enter a new relationship. These emotions can serve as a hindrance to engaging in sexual activity with someone new. There is nothing wrong with taking your time and not rushing into sex until you have completely moved on.
- Desire to minimize risks: Engaging in sexual activity always carries risks, such as the possibility of contracting sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. Some individuals choose to wait to ensure they are truly willing to take these risks with their partner, as there may be long-term consequences. It is crucial to practice safe sex by using contraception and/or condoms correctly and consistently.
Determining how long to wait before having sex depends on various factors, which differ for each person. To make an informed decision, it is essential to tune in to your feelings and personal circumstances. If you are uncertain about how long you should wait before engaging in sexual activity, it is likely because you are conflicted between your own feelings and societal expectations. However, it is crucial to remember that this decision revolves around you.
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