Couple Therapy- What To Expect

If you find yourselves considering couples therapy for the first time, you may be wondering about the process and its potential impact on your relationship. Counseling, in general, can be overwhelming as it often brings forth long-suppressed emotions. When both partners are involved, the experience can be even more daunting as uncomfortable feelings arise. It’s common for individuals new to couples therapy to feel nervous, fearing that it might lead to the realization that their relationship is not meant to be. These concerns are entirely valid and widespread, but it’s essential to acknowledge that the boat may rock, but it rarely sinks.

To ease any confusion about what to expect in couples therapy, take a deep breath, as this blog aims to help you and your partner gain insight into the process and recognize potential red flags indicating the need to find the right couples therapist.

What to Expect in Couples Therapy:

• Direct Approach: Unlike individual therapy, couples therapy requires a more direct approach from the therapist. They guide both partners in navigating their conflict styles, encouraging a different way of communication to achieve their goals effectively.
• Individual Sessions: Expect individual sessions for each partner during the second week of therapy. These sessions are vital for understanding the person as a whole, including their worldview, background, and how these factors shape their perspective and triggers within the relationship.
• Equal Validation and Respect: A competent couples therapist remains objective, avoiding taking sides or pointing fingers. Both partners will feel heard, validated, and respected, even when one of them might have made mistakes.
• Communication Tools: Couples therapy provides tools for better communication, but it’s important to remember that building trust and resolving issues may take time, especially when addressing subconscious childhood traumas impacting the relationship.
• Temporary Struggles: Similar to the process of losing weight, couples therapy might lead to temporary worsening of the relationship before progress is evident. Be patient with the complex and sometimes messy process of growth.
• Focus on Process: The therapist will concentrate on how the partners relate to each other as a whole, rather than fixating on the details of individual arguments.
• Vulnerability: Couples therapy requires vulnerability, and it’s natural to feel exposed and uncomfortable at times, but the therapist will guide you through the process.
• Healthy Arguments: Expect to engage in arguments during sessions, as they can provide valuable insights into your communication dynamics. The therapist will intervene to de-escalate and facilitate vulnerability.
• Therapist’s Guidance: The therapist may interrupt discussions to help you become aware of unconscious behaviors and unprocessed emotions, promoting growth and understanding.
• Addressing Intimacy: Sex is an integral part of an intimate relationship, so it will likely be addressed in therapy, even if it’s not the primary focus.
• Personal Growth: Couples therapy offers an opportunity for self-discovery and a deeper understanding of your partner, leading to empowerment and growth.

Red Flags Indicating an Inappropriate Couples Therapist:

1. Passive Listening: If the therapist merely listens without offering guidance or direction, it might hinder progress.
2. Lack of Intervention: A competent therapist should step in to help de-escalate heightened emotions or arguments.
3. Failure to Reframe Conflict: If the therapist doesn’t assist in reframing conflicts and considering different perspectives, it could limit progress.
4. Unequal Attention: The therapist should spend equal time hearing both partners and provide explanations if this balance is not maintained.
5. Taking Sides: A therapist should remain neutral, avoiding overtly taking sides during the sessions.
6. Ignoring Sexuality: A competent therapist will address issues related to sex and intimacy if necessary.
7. Unstructured Sessions: If the therapist allows the couple to steer every session without guidance, it may lead to inefficiency.
8. Avoiding Sensitive Topics: A therapist should address challenging issues rather than ignoring them.

If you are considering couples therapy, it’s crucial to find a therapist whose style and approach align with your needs. Take the time to schedule consultations with potential therapists to determine the best fit for your relationship and individual growth. If interested in our practice, specializing in couples and sex therapy, please fill out a contact form, and we will respond within 48 hours!”

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